seattle – Prattle Peach

Last night at 2am I was looking through month-long Airbnb stays in Seattle, Nashville, Chicago, and New York. They’re all places a younger me thought I might end up. Young me thought I’d just be able to move across the country to somewhere I’ve never even been.

I was thinking about looking for a job in another state and just leaving and starting over. The only thing that has ever held me back is me missing my friends. When I was 19 my whole family moved away without me so I know I don’t need to live near them to be okay, but I definitely prefer living near them.

And then there’s the stupid part of my brain that’s more psychological, that doesn’t want to close any doors or finalize any maybes. By this I mean I’m afraid to leave because what if I was meant to be with one of the guys I dated, and if I leave to another state he’ll never get the chance to love me and I miss out on a relationship. I know that’s awful and that’s the worst part.

As if one of my dating app matches is Prince Charming. (But there’s never a 0% chance that he’s not…)

I can make new friends, get a new job, visit my family a few times a year. Maybe dating is easier in a place where there are actually seasons. Maybe my guy is waiting for me in a coffee shop in Portland or a bar in New York.

It’s actually laughable that I could ever imagine that my soulmate lives in Orange County.

I think I might explore the idea of taking a weekend here and there to visit a new city until I find the one that feels like home.

I have a thing for tall guys with glasses, maybe I should try Seattle? I love an English or Irish accent… should I think bigger?

I just watched The Holiday and I cried the entire time because I want to be Reese Witherspoon and have Jude Law sweep me away in a little cottage outside of London. I want so badly to just run away from everything I know and find something new and unexpected.

I really want to swap lives with someone for a couple weeks. I don’t know if I want to permanently vanish from life as I know it, but I definitely want to make a disappearance.

I remember staying a week in Ireland when I was 19 and I thought how amazing it would be to just move there. To have a little house near the neighborhood pub and meet up with my friends after work.

I’ve tried romanticizing my life but there’s not much to romanticize. I think I just need to do something soon to add some flair to it. I want just one good movie moment, especially before I get too old and it’s too late. Your 20s are supposed to be filled with adventure and I just haven’t done anything remarkable yet.

Have you ever done anything drastic like moved across the country or to another country? And what were the pros and cons?

The answer to most of my security questions online is my first grade best friend’s middle name. I used to live in a suburb of Seattle called Puyallup before moving to California in fourth grade. After I moved we never spoke again but I still know her middle name.

There are people I don’t talk to anymore that have had such an impact on my life. I still wear a friend from 8th grade’s P.E. shirt to bed sometimes because we accidentally switched shirts at a sleepover and never ended up giving them back.

I still listen to a band that my very first boyfriend showed me, and it’s one of my favorites.

And I still make a crunchy tuna casserole that one of my elementary school friend’s mom showed me. Half of their casserole was made without peas because her dad didn’t like them but the rest of the family did. I wonder if they still do that.

Our lives are made up of so many people, and sometimes you keep pieces of them long after they have left your life.

At the same time, there are so many lives that you have left some kind of impact on like this. I wonder what parts of me are alive in someone else that I have no idea about.