limitations: working out and throwing up

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m. and instead of going back to sleep I threw on some workout clothes and started a HIIT routine.

I didn’t eat dinner last night and I started a 2 week shred routine from Chloe Ting, which is such a guood workout if you want to try something new. (All of her workouts are free and I’ve seen a lot of results, here’s a link.)

I pushed a little too hard (read: way too hard) and I ended up throwing up and feeling awful. Then I was so mad at myself for not being able to handle it that I started the whole thing over and almost passed out at the end.

I’m feeling restless (because of the pandemic) and there’s nothing else to do. None of the things I like to do are available to me any more. I’m throwing myself into testing my limits and I’m throwing up and getting angry and repeating it twice a day.

I tried to distract myself in so many different ways – people, music, projects. But there’s nothing like exerting yourself physically over something and letting out all of the emotions you’ve built up.

I’m mixing it up with different types of workouts. I hate running and yet I’m running until the sweat stings my eyes and all I can hear is my heartbeat swelling in my ears. It’s like I’m running because I hate running and right now I hate a lot of things so it makes sense for me to do it and use it as fuel. The only difference right now is that I’m not really feeling better I just keep getting angrier and I don’t know why that is.

I’ve reached my limit on other things so I’m pushing my limits on what I can control. I can’t decide when concerts and movies will be open again, but I can do jumping jacks, sprints, high-knees, and Spider-Man planks in a circuit until I puke.

I won’t have a date who takes me to the beach this summer but I will have a flat tummy and heat in my bones.