heart attacks and Kerouac

I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till I drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

On the Road, Jack Kerouac

*record scratch* I bet you’re wondering how I got here.

I’m feeling the writing bug again and hope to soon search for an artist I can commission to create the cover of my book. I have to first write much more of it than I have already.

I feel like I’ve done so many things this past month, like I’m learning too much at once but I also feel suspended.

I need a vacation but I also need to not catch a virus/pandemic. I feel like I’m yearning for a trip to Somewhere New with Someone Special. Is it okay to ask someone out on a trip for a date? Can’t we just stargaze from the deck of a cabin on top of a mountain while I learn what you do for a living and why you hate it?

I don’t want to date anybody anymore, and at the same time I keep wishing I was already in a relationship. I don’t want to be dipping my toes in the water at the 3 ft. part of the pool, I want to be at the point where I’m doing laps. Can we fast forward to the part where everything is easy?

I don’t know what I need or what I want. I don’t know. I do not know. I have nothing to offer anybody right now, except my own confusion.